How to forgive without forgetting ?

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Salahuddin Jitmoud was barely 22 years old when he crossed paths with the man who would take his life one tragic evening of April 2015. The young Muslim pizza delivery boy was stabbed to death while making his last delivery. Three people were involved in the death of this young man, but the grand jury found that one of them was most responsible. Two years after this tragedy, 24-year-old Trey Alexander Relford pleaded guilty at his trial in October to being an accessory to murder.

Abdul-Munim Sombat Jitmoud, the father of the stabbed man, was called to the witness stand before the verdict was handed down, and in a calming tone he expressed his decision to forgive Trey Alexander Relford, whom he affectionately calls “my nephew”.

My dear Trey, I don’t blame you for the crime you committed,” he said. “I’m not mad at you. I’m angry at the devil. I blame the devil who led you astray to commit such a horrible crime,” he added, before indicating that he forgives Trey Alexander Relford “in the name of Salahuddin and his mother who died in 2013”.

“I realize I may not be alive long enough to see Trey get out of jail. However, if I was destined to live that long, I will make sure to take him under my wing.” confided Dr. Jitmoud to The Qelem [5]. His message of forgiveness reached many parts of the world. He was also featured in Morgan Freeman’s documentary “Story of God”.

I know it sounds crazy, but Abdul-Munim’s forgiveness is real. A number of people have publicly forgiven the murderers of their loved ones. [1] Such news appears about every two years.

However, forgiveness can be tricky because it is emotional in nature. Abdul-Munim’s achievement is a feat of emotional strength that few people on this planet could muster.

Your experience of someone who has hurt you, though painful, is only a thought or feeling you carry with you. These thoughts of resentment, anger and hatred represent slow and debilitating energies that will affect you if you continue to let them linger in your head.

In 1978, burn surgeon Dr. Dabney Ewin observed the positive effect of forgiveness on his patients’ injuries. He noticed that people who came to the emergency room with burns were often very angry because of their own or someone else’s reckless mistake. By using hypnosis, in addition to forgiveness, he achieved real feats. Burns that usually took months to heal, recovered in as little as 10 days without skin grafting [3].

[3] So now why not practice saying something like, “I should forgive waiter Jeff for spilling a glass of scotch on my shirt in the middle of my romantic dinner,” or “I should forgive Dad for embezzling an astronomical amount of money without thinking about his children’s reputations. However, when it comes to implementing it, it becomes almost impossible to get rid of the anger that drives us.

So, in order to promote forgiveness in your relationships, I have prepared four steps that will guide you through the process.

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